Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
