She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
