check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
