There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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