And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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