and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My penis needs a shock collar
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
