I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
