Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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