I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
