Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
