Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
do herpes really smell.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
