if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize