sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
