I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
