he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Semen is not good for contacts.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
