I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You smell like stripper and shame
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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