You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think people are normalizing furries
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
