Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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