I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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