I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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