I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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