Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
