So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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