if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
