she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize