It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
