I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
