We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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