I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
