his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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