I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
