so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
