fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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