I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize