why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you would pick up someone in the library
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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