I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
