Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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