shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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