I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize