My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
