Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
