It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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