The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Someone came in the potted fern
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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