My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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