I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
