a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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