You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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