I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
