i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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