dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
