and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
