yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
