we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
