RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
