Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
