when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
