I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
