if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
