Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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