Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
