I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
