I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
