just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize