I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
