I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
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